“Who watches the watchmen? Those who are being watched…”

If we are truly to establish a legitimate and unique “esprit de corps” throughout all ranks in our program, then we as coaches must consider what it is like to be coached by us…would you want to be coached by you? Would you want your son or daughter to be coached by you or your colleagues? To provide quality care for our players’ experience in our program, we must take their perspective into account. They should know and feel the reality that we care about their experience and that it matters.

WHAT DO PLAYERS WANT IN A COACH? 

(1.) HONESTY & TRANSPARENCY: Players respect a coach who is upfront and clear about their roles, expectations, and areas for improvement. Avoid sugar-coating feedback; instead, deliver it constructively and respectfully. Transparency helps players understand where they stand and what they need to work on.

(2.)  CLEAR COMMUNICATION: Players want and need Coaches clear instructions and feedback where there is no room for interpretation beyond the message itself. Remember, when there is a gap in communication, negativity will fill it.

(3.)  CLEAR EXPECTATIONS: Players want and need to know what the ideal we are looking for is. We do not leave anything up to interpretation. The human brain is wired for confirmation bias and all information is filtered through direct effect/affect. We must give them certainty in a world that is uncertain.

(4.)  CONSISTENCY: Players have a variety of influences, some positive, many negative. There is no way to know how long it takes for messaging to get through to someone but it must always be there and be consistent so that it can be counted on as a certainty. Young people are feeling their way through the world and do not understand when there is fluidity and uncertainty, their brains simply aren’t yet wired for it yet.

(5.)  ACCOUNTABILITY: Players have never lived this life. They do not yet know how to live it very well. They are going through life through trial and error to get a feel for existence like scientists. It is paramount that they understand that there are consequences for their actions whether those be good or bad consequences. They are looking to us to show them what actions and behaviors will work for them in the real world. We are crippling them for life if we do not hold them accountable.

(6.)  DISCIPLINE: Discipline goes hand in hand with accountability. Players need to be shown HOW to do things and why it matters how things are done. Players crave discipline and want discipline but struggle to create it for themselves. We must remind them again and again what happens when we do not conduct ourselves with discipline and fidelity to the right way of doing things on the court or off the court.

(7.)  MOTIVATOR: Players and young people in general are the most conscientious people in the world. For a variety of reasons they struggle with confidence, anxiety, significance, and meaning. They expect and need us to remind them that we support them, that what they are doing is leading somewhere, and that it is worth it.

(8.)  KNOWLEDGE & EXPERTISE: Players expect that we know what we are talking about. They expect that we have solutions to problems. They expect that we know how to do and can do what we are asking of them. They expect that we have done our homework, that we are informed, and that we have seen it all before. There is an immense amount of trust given and if we demonstrate we are not to be trusted, we will lose them quickly and it is incredibly difficult to earn that back.

(9.)  TEACHER: Players do not know a lot. One of the worst experiences players can have and do have is to have something asked of them they do not know how to do or don’t understand. Players want a coach who not only has the patience to guide them through that which they do not know but who can help them understand in a digestible manner that makes them feel like it is feasible and makes logical sense.

(10.)  HELP THEM DEVELOP & IMPROVE: Players may want this more than anything else on the list. If players are there, it is because they have a passion and interest for the sport. They want to do well. They want to get better. They want to be a romanticized version that they have looked up to and admire. They are here to play basketball and expect that we take that very seriously and are invested in getting them to where they want to be.

(11.)  LOVES THEIR WORK: Players are here because they enjoy and/or care about the game of basketball. They expect that we have that same enjoyment. Nobody should want to be at practice or games more than the coaches. We must model the attitudes that we are asking of our players.

(12.)  WALKS THE WALK: Players quickly lose respect for coaches who are hypocrites. If we ask players to pay attention to details, to be early, to give their best effort, to have good body language, and on and on but we do not model the same behaviors? Forget it. Players have to be shown and want to be shown. They will take on the habits and attitudes of their direct supervisors.

(13.)  CONFIDENCE: Coaches can know what they are talking about, can be good teachers, can care about the kids, and the like, but if we do not demonstrate that we believe in ourselves or what we are doing, the kids will pick up on it and walk all over us. They can smell fear. Seriously. They are looking for certainty and expect adults to lead the way and know what they are doing. To lose faith in one’s leadership or superiors is the ultimate breach of our social contract with young people as teachers, coaches, and mentors. Kids want to feel safe in your presence.

(14.)  BELIEVES IN THEM: Doubt and uncertainty is at the core of a young person’s experience. More than ever, levels of anxiety and depression are at an all time high in young people and they struggle to have self-esteem and positive mindsets. I’m sure you remember just how often everything as a young person felt like the end of the world! Not only do players want to believe in us, but they want to know that there is reason to believe in them, that they are seen, that they matter, that what they are doing is working, that their efforts do not go unnoticed. Young people do not know how to believe in themselves, it is our job to show them all the great things that they already have and where they are heading! We must be their rock. “You can never coach a kid above what she thinks she is.” 

(15.)  POSITIVITY: It is well documented that young people are more anxious, struggle with self-esteem, and are overly fixated on how they are perceived. They bring that everywhere that they go and the slightest thing can send them into a dark and private internal spiral. It is imperative that we create a safe space for them to fail, to struggle, to try, and to be enjoyed! We will get back the energy and attitudes that we radiate. We must show kids what a positive working atmosphere looks like.

(16.)  PEOPLE SKILLS: Young people are anxious and socially avoidant more than ever. They are buried in their phones and interact face to face less and less and their social skills are severely lacking in comparison to every generation preceding them and it is only worsening. They are counting on us to relieve the burden of socializing and creating an atmosphere that is fun and where they feel like they can be themselves without being judged. They are not going to be the ones to open up but they will if we welcome them and treat them as real people and foster legitimate connection with them. Young people desperately need and want to belong and we need to make that as easy as possible for them in our program. We have to be the people that people want to be around.

(17.)  COMPETITIVE: The spirit of competition is understanding and working on what one is made of. Young people generally are trying to understand the world around them, the laws of the universe as it were, and where their efforts fall within that. In essence, to compete is to know the self and to know others. It is to understand the fabric of reality in the most tangible ways. Players are participating in sports for this but they also enjoy competition in the spirit of play! Players care deeply and put a lot of stock into how they perform individually and as a team. It is paramount that their coaches also care about it at minimum to the same degree and take it as seriously as they do. Nobody should love it more than the coaches and the coaches should be a constant reminder that none of us should do something we are not fully invested in, care about, or love. We are in this together and the players should feel that on an intuitive level.

(18.)  COMPASSIONATE: it should go without saying and it should be a given, but players have to know that we care about them as people. And it is not enough just to care about them as individuals for who they are, but they also need us to be understanding of their circumstances, their flaws, and to give them grace; you never know what somebody is going through internally. Great coaches DO KNOW what is going on with their kids internally and they are perceptive enough to know when something is up with or something is going on with their kids even if nothing is explicitly stated. Our kids have to know that we love them and that we have their best interest at heart and sometimes if not very often that is also through tough love.

(19.)  COMPOSURE: This shouldn’t come as a shock, but young people expect for their elders to conduct themselves like adults and to have their emotions in check. This is not to say that we are robots, but our kids are looking to us for leadership and guidance through the highs and lows. We cannot possibly expect our kids to have confidence or to remain calm if we ourselves demonstrate panic or that we are shaken. Again, the world of a young person is turbulent and constantly uncertain, they desperately need us to be a soothing presence where under our supervision they feel like they are safe and that things are under control. Kids have enough to worry about at home, in the classroom, and socially.

(20.)  TO PUSH THEM: We all need a little push, sometimes a small push to get past our comfort zones. Kids want to know that they are capable by putting them in the situations they fear and where growth actually lies. The majority of people lack the confidence or courage to really go for what they want and are always happy to have someone else to rely on in any facet of life. It’s our job to get them there.